Hobbit's Road Trip
by hobbit-drinking-songs
Summary: This is my version of how the Fellowship of the Ring was formed, how the One Ring was found and destroyed, and how Middle Earth was saved. And it all began with 4 bored hobbits in The Green Dragon.


_Chapter 1- It begins...---_

"I'm bored. I'm BORED. Merry!!"  
"What Pippin?!"  
"I'M BORED! ENTERTAIN ME!"  
Ah, it was another boring day in the shire. And as usual, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and Sam were having some drinks in the Green Dragon.  
"Yeah, Pippin's right." Frodo said. "It is boring here."  
Everyone looked at Frodo in disbelief.  
"D-Did you just say...Pippin was...right?!!" Sam asked.  
Frodo looked at his mead. "Yeah, I've had WAY too much to drink."  
Walking home, the four hobbits talked about how boring the shire was.  
"There is nothing to do!" Sam complained.  
"Bilbo just gave me a new horse and cart. That's sort of fun." Frodo commented.  
"Pippin and I get drunk." Merry said  
"YAY!" Pippin cheered.  
Suddenly, Frodo had a great idea.  
"Ok, listen up!" he said, "I got a horse and cart, and we're all bored, so I say...ROAD TRIP!"  
"Yeah!" everyone agreed.  
"We are so leaving tomorrow!" Sam yelled.  
"Where are we going?" Pippin asked.  
Frodo rolled his eyes. "Gondor of course."  
"Why Gondor?" Merry asked.  
"Their famous cheese!"  
"Cool. Cheese." Sam said  
"Great. We leave tomorrow!"

_Chapter 2- The trip begins..._---

The food, hobbits, and cart were packed. So the hobbits said goodbye to the Shire, and left for Gondor. Sam was driving, Frodo was navigating, and Merry and Pippin were just enjoying the ride.  
"Where's our first stop Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked  
"We stop at nightfall at the inn of the Prancing Pony." Frodo replied.  
"HEY!! Isn't that, like, all day?!" Pippin asked.  
"Yup!" Frodo said.  
"ALL DAY!!"  
"Pippin, this is why it's called a ROAD TRIP!" Merry yelled.  
"Fine!" Pippin said, "If anyone needs me, I'll be sleeping."  
At nightfall, the hobbits stopped at the Prancing Pony. Pippin ran straight to the buffet line, and everyone else checked in. They found Pip with his mouth full of cake.  
"Happy Pip?" Merry asked.  
"MPh mevy mesdvy" Pippin replied.  
Frodo looked at Pippin, who was now eating ice cream even faster than the cake.   
"Pip, you're going to get a brain freeze!" He warned.  
"No I'm no-OOOWWW!!!! BRAIN....HURTS!" Pippin wailed. He jumped out of his seat, and ran around the Prancing Pony screaming. While the other hobbits laughed, Pippin, in his pippinish ways, proceeded to bump into some mysterious looking guy who was smoking a pipe. The scary guy grabbed Pippin, Merry, Frodo, and Sam.  
"You draw far too much attention to yourselves...Hobbits." he hissed. Then he threw them into a room at the inn.  
"Pip, I'm scared." Merry whispered.  
"YOU'RE SCARED??!!! I RAN INTO THE GUY!"  
"Quiet!" the stranger whispered. "I have much to say....

Chapter 3-After a long talk---

When the stranger finally finished talking, the hobbits knew his name, (Aragorn) his birthday (11-23-13, Shire reckoning), his favorite color, (fuscia with a hint of yellow) his biggest fear (loneliness) and much more. In fact, as he progressed into the conversation deeper, the hobbits decided to buy him some drinks to forget his troubles. Everyone got extremely drunk, but luckily, Pippin brought his own special hang-over cure medicine! So in the morning, everybody was cured! Everyone except...  
"Ah! So much pain!" Frodo groaned.  
"Oh suck it up!" Merry muttered, "Pippin and I have drunk twice that much without the hang-cure and we survived!"  
Frodo looked at Merry. "STOP SHOUTING!" He pleaded.  
"This is no ordinary hang-over." Aragorn said, "This is one of dark proportions. We must get him to Rivendell. Hurry hobbits!"  
And thus, the first of many failure-to-follow-the-mapisms and hitch-hikers pickups of many, on the hobbits road trip.  
"I told you to bring more hang-cure." Pippin hissed to Merry while on the road to Rivendell.  
"Yeah!" Sam said, "Look what you did to Mr. Frodo!"  
"I MAKE MISTAKES!" Merry yelled, "I'M ONLY HOBBIT!"  
"Quiet!" Aragorn said. "We're there, and Elrond gets pissy when he is woken from his nap!

Chapter 4-Rivendell**---**

Luckily, Elrond wasn't disturbed from his nap, and Frodo was cured. He woke up muttering about time.  
"It's about one hour since you got here. Elves are good at hang-over cures." A distance voice said.   
"Frodo sat up and looked. It was Gandalf the Grey!  
"Gandalf!" Frodo shouted, "What's shakin', bacon?"  
"I'm good Frodo, thanks for asking!"  
"FRODO!! MR. FRODO!" Sam shouting, running into the room.  
"Sam has never left your side." Gandalf said.  
Frodo looked a little scared.  
"You stalk Rosie once, and you're labeled for life." Sam grumbled.  
"Hey Frodo!" Pippin said.  
"We were just looking for the kitch-looking for you!" Merry said.  
The hobbits cheered for being together again. Except Gandalf was gone. And no one knew where he went. And Aragorn and Elrond had entered the room.  
"Welcome to Rivendell Frodo!" Elrond said.  
"Hey! Elrond!" Frodo said. "What's up?!"  
"I need a favor," Elrond said. "My sister's friends' uncle's cousin's neighbor's son is friendless, so can he come on your trip with you?"  
"Sure, why not!" Frodo said.  
"Great! LEGOLAS!"  
A tall elf entered the room.  
"This is Legolas Greenleaf." Aragorn said.  
"HEY Legolas!" The hobbits said.  
"Um...hi" Legolas said.  
"He's a little shy." Elrond whispered.  
"Oh well." Frodo said. "He'll warm up eventually. Let's go!"

Chapter 5: One the road...again---

The hobbits were driving again. But this time, they had two new friends! So, all was good. Except for the fact that Legolas was still acting shy and he hadn't spoken for 3 hours.  
"Oh man, Frodo!" Merry said, "This guy is QUIIIET."  
"I know!" Frodo said, "I don't know how to get him to talk!"  
"Well Frodo," a familiar voice said, "As him about his interests!"  
Frodo looked around. It was GANDALF!  
"Gandalf!" Frodo yelled. "Wait, where the hell did you come from!?"  
"I've been around."  
"Alright." Frodo said. "So...interests?"  
"YUP!"  
"Hey Legolas!" Frodo yelled.  
"Um...yeah?" Legolas said quietly.  
"What are your interests?"  
Legolas' eyes lit up, and began talking about archery. And finally, Legolas had warmed up, and now, all was good.  
"Hey Gandalf! Great idea!" Frodo whispered.  
But Gandalf was gone!  
"Weird." Frodo said.  
The hobbits and everyone else finally stopped for lunch. Legolas had finally warmed up, and everyone wanted to see if he really was good at archery.  
"C'mon! Show us a demonstration! I'm bored!" Pippin pleaded.  
"Pippin, the whole point of this trip was so you wouldn't be bored!!" Sam complained.  
"Yeah, but nothing arrow-shooting exciting has happened yet."  
"I'll show you a demonstration Pip." Legolas said.  
He pulled out an arrow, and aimed at a far away tree.  
"I'll get that knot in the tree."  
And the arrow would have it the knot if, of course if Sam hadn't bumped into Frodo, who was carrying many plates for lunch, who then, in turn, bumped into Legolas, causing him to fire an arrow into a bush.  
"Dammit!" Legolas yelled. "I missed!"  
"Dammit is right!" A bush from the bushes said. "Stupid arrows!"  
Everyone looked over at the bushes. "What the hell was that?" Merry said.  
Suddenly, a dwarf with a huge beard that had an arrow in it jumped out of the bushes.  
"AH! A DWARF!" Legolas screamed.  
"OH shut up! My name is Gimli."  
"What were you doing the bushes Master Dwarf?" Aragorn said.  
"I got drunk and passed out."  
"Hey!" Merry said, "You wanna come to Gondor with us?"  
Gimli looked around. "I got nothing else to do. Alright."  
And so, the trip that had started as 4 now had 7. (But sometimes 8, depending on when Gandalf popped in and out.)

Chapter 6- So close to Gondor---

Just when the hobbits and everyone else were so close to Gondor, that cart's wheel broke off. So now, everyone was mad, and scared because Gimli took out an axe, and decided to make new wheels.  
"Gimli, you've chopped enough for a wheel!" Aragorn remarked.  
"MUST CHOP WOOD!!" Gimli yelled.  
"Legolas! Aragorn! I'M SCARED!" Sam wailed  
"So are we!" Legolas said.  
Suddenly, a loud alarm sounded, and Gimli slowly backed away from a tree.  
"GIMLI! YOU IDIOT! THAT'S THE WHITE TREE OF GONDOR!" Aragorn yelled.  
"I only chopped it a little bit though!" Gimli whined.  
"Aha!" A voice said, "So you admit it!"  
It was the Gondor police!  
"Run hobbits! Save yourselves!" Legolas said.  
"Alright!" Pippin said as he started to walk away.  
Frodo grabbed him. "We're a fellowship. We stay together."  
"Fine." Pippin said, as he returned to the line-up.  
"Crime: Chopping tree." The police man said.  
"OH c'mon! I didn't chop it that much!" Gimli said.  
The policeman looked at the once beautiful tree that now had a hole in it, and was lopsided.  
"Punishment: THE NIGHT IN JAIL!!"  
"Oh crap." Merry said.

"Wait!" Gimli yelled.

The police of Gondor sighed. "What?"

"Um...don't we get, like, a trial or something?" Gimli asked.

"Yeah!" Frodo yelled. "Innocent until proven guilty!"

"But you admitted to the crime!" The guards said through clenched teeth.

"Hey, we don't make the rules." Sam said.

"Fine...you can have your trial." The guard sighed.

Chapter 7: Jail Time---

Lucky for the hobbits, Gondorian trials were quick and they had the trial right then and there. And the fellowship lost, because they elected Legolas as their lawyer, and he broke down under pressure, causing Gondor to win by default. So now, everyone was in jail, and on probation.  
"Great. A therapist. Everyone in the Shire will be talking about us!" Sam groaned.  
"C'mon, I said I was sorry!" Gimli whined.  
"Trust a dwarf..." Legolas muttered.  
"Everyone be quiet. Mistakes are made. Do not throw away your friendships." A voice said.  
IT WAS GANDALF!  
"WHERE ARE YOU COMING FROM!!!!!!?" Frodo shouted.  
"I've been around."  
"Hey!" Merry cried," are you our therapist?!"  
"No, that would be me." A voice said. " I am Boromir, your therapist and probation officer."  
"Cool, nice to meet you." everyone said.  
"HEY!" Pippin yelled, "are you coming with us on our road trip?!"  
"I wasn't planning on it, but that sounds like a great idea!"  
"DAMMIT PIPPIN!!" everyone yelled.  
"Gandalf, turn him into something unnatural." Sam said.  
But Gandalf was gone!  
"OK, that is really starting to scare me." Frodo said.

Chapter 8: Boromir---

Boromir had joined the fellowship, and was busily taking notes as the trip went along. In his ever-glorious Pippin curiosity, Pip had to know what Boromir was writing.  
"Whatcha doing, whatcha writing, am I in it!?" Pip asked.  
"Lets see here, um...yes I have taken notes on you!" Boromir replied.  
"What did you write!?" Frodo asked, who was now interested in the conversation.  
"Not well respected, would benefit from taking on more responsibilities." Boromir read.  
"WAIT!" Aragorn yelled, "I know you're the therapist and all, but seriously, do NOT let Pippin take on a responsibility."  
"You see, this is what I'm talking about!" Boromir said.  
"No, seriously, don't, it is a really bad idea." Gimli said.  
"Well, I'm the therapist and probation officer, so unless you want to go back to jail in the place so close to Gondor, then Pippin has to drive the cart tonight."  
"YAY!" Pippin cheered. "Cart-cart-cart-cart-cart-"  
It was finally night-time, and Frodo reluctantly handed the reins to Pippin.  
"Just remember one thing Pip..." Frodo had said, "Go straight until the fork in the road. THEN GO RIGHT!"  
"Driving on the road...goin' to Gondor....lalalalala!" Pippin sang.  
Finally, he reached the fork in the road.  
"Merry! Merry!" Pippin whispered. "I go left, correct?!"  
"Right." Merry yawned. "Good night."  
"Ok! Night!" Pippin said." Going left."  
But he didn't notice the sign at the fork in the road:  
GONDOR: 18MI RIGHT  
MORDOR: 14MI LEFT

Chapter 9--- The Fatal Mistake

Now, all the fellowship was mad at Pippin. This was the single stupidest stunt that the fellowship had seen.  
"PIPPIN!!! I told you to GO RIGHT!!!" Frodo screamed  
"but I asked Merry if left was the direction and he said right!"  
"Pip!" Merry said "I mean right, the DIRECTION not right as in correct!"  
Pippin looked around "Huh. How bout that? Well, time to go!"  
He started to go towards the cart but the horses were gone! "Where are the horses?"  
"They're gone" said Aragorn  
"The fires of Mordor frightened them away!" said Legolas  
"Hey! I said to go through Moria!" Gimli said "MY way was the RIGHT way!"  
"FOOL OF A TOOK!!!!" everyone yelled  
"HEY" Pippin yelled. "Gandalf said everybody makes mistakes! So don't be mad!"  
"True... I did say that" Gandalf said. "but Pippin... that was just stupid"  
"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM???" yelled Frodo  
"Frodo, we have already had this discussion." Gandalf said. And then he was gone!  
"I'M GOING CRAZY!!!!!" Frodo screamed  
"WAIT!" Merry yelled "This isn't Pip's fault... its Boromir's!"  
"No its not, Pippin was driving!" Sam argued  
"But whose idea was it to have Pip drive the cart?" Merry asked  
(insert light bulbs above everyone's head)  
"Where is he???" Gimli demanded "why isnt he here?"  
"We must defeat him!" Aragorn yelled "let's hunt some Boromir"  
Legolas was cursing in Elvish.  
The hobbits were drinking.  
And they all went in search for Boromir

Chapter 10--- Boromir hunting

Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas went hunt for Boromir, and the hobbits glanced around, then gave up, and started drinking again.  
"Do your elf eyes see anything Legolas?" Aragorn yelled  
"NO!" he replied, "Do your ranger skills tell you anything?"  
"No! Gimli!"  
"Yes?! Gimli answered eagerly  
"KEEP LOOKING!"  
"I see something, less than a league away!" Legolas yelled.  
They all ran to what Legolas saw.  
"AHH!" Gimli yelled, "ORCS! DEAD ORCS!"  
"There must have been a battle!" Legolas commented.  
"Hey! An envelope!" Aragorn said. But Gimli and Legolas didn't hear him.  
"You guys!" he tried again. "I found...OH MY STICKLEBATS! BOROMIR"  
Boromir was dead. "Shot by orcs." Gimli noticed  
"He was protecting us from orcs!" Legolas said.  
"I found an envelope!" Aragorn said. "Maybe it's a clue of what happened!"  
"Let's bring it to the hobbits!" Legolas said.  
"Back to camp!" Gimli yelled.

"where is that envelope?" an evil looking orc hissed.  
"You lost it! Saruman is going to kill us!"  
"Well keep looking! Look by that human we killed last night"

"He's gone! There must have been more with him!"  
"FIND THEM AND THE ENVOLOPE...NOW!"

Chapter 11--- A Mysterious Finding

"Guys, look!" Aragorn yelled. "An envelope!"  
"Where's Boromir?!" Sam asked.  
"Oh...he died...Orcs. BUT WE FOUND AN ENVELOPE!" Legolas cheered.  
"Wait, he died!?" Frodo asked.  
"Orcs." Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn said together.  
"Hey, that means we're no longer on probation/therapy!" Merry said.  
And everyone cheered. Then everybody mourned. They did sort of like Boromir.  
"So...envelope?" Pippin asked.  
"Yeah, who should get it?" Gimli asked.  
"ME! ME! ME!" Pippin yelled.  
"NO" everybody said.  
"How about Frodo? It was his idea to go on the road trip." Sam noted.  
"Okay, sounds fair." Aragorn said.  
"Cool!" Frodo cheered. And he took the envelope. "Hey, there's some writing on it!"  
GIVE TO SAUROMAN.THROW IN MT DOOM.  
"Another detour?" Gimli asked.  
"Why is Saruman in Mordor?" Legolas asked.  
"Vacation? I've heard Mordor is really warm." Pippin said.  
"Pip, Mordor is always hot, because it's a fiery death hole in Middle Earth!" Aragorn yelled.  
"That's not it." A voice said "Saruman has turned evil."  
It was Gandalf!  
"HOW ARE-- you know what...I don't even care anymore." Frodo said.  
"Where have you been?" Gimli asked.  
"Isengaurd...tall tower...bug...fight...long story short, THROW THE ENVELOPE IN MOUNT DOOM!"  
"Can I open it?!" Frodo asked.  
"NO!" Gandalf yelled.  
"WHY?!"   
But Gandalf was gone!  
"Oh well." Frodo said. "ONTO MORDOR!"

**  
Chapter 12--- Yet Another Detour**

So the fellowship headed to Mordor...to the fires...of MT.DOOM!  
"Are we there yet?" Legolas asked.  
"No." Aragorn replied.  
"Why don't we go through the mines of Moria?" Gimli asked.  
"Why would we turn around for hundreds of miles of rocks, Balrogs, and trolls?" Legolas asked.  
"Because...well...oh shut up." Gimli huffed.  
"Merry, I'm hungry." Pip complained  
"So am I" Merry replied. "Hey, Legolas? Shoot something for us to eat!"  
"Merry, we're surrounded by fire and brimstone, about to face our doom, and Sauron. Do you think there's time to eat???"  
"There's ALWAYS time to eat!" Merry yelled. "Look at you! You're skinny as a twig!"  
"Elf!" Legolas said  
"Hey, we wanna eat!" Sam and Frodo complained  
"YOU'RE ALWAYS HUNGRY!!" Gimli yelled "ALL OF YOU!!!"  
"HOBBITS!" they all said  
"oh shut up all of you!" a voice said  
IT WAS GANDALF!!!  
"I have just been to the lady Galadriel. She sends you lembas bread!"  
And the fellowship cheered "but I wanna cook the chicken!" Sam said  
"oh, and Legolas?" Gandalf said. "She also said that she's had her hair style longer than you, so stop sending her threatening letters."  
They all looked at Legolas, who sighed, pulled out an arrow, shot a rock to start a fire so Sam could cook the chicken.  
And the hobbits cheered.  
"Wait!" Aragorn said. "What about Mt. Doom?"  
"Food, Aragorn. Food" Gimli said

**Chapter 13--- Still Detouring**

The fellowship continued their journey to Mordor. They were all scared, but entertained by Pippin letting out girly-screams every time he heard a noise  
"Pip, you never said you were such a coward!" Merry laughed.  
"Shut up!!!" It's very normal to have high nerves in Mordor! Ask Aragorn!"  
"Actually, Pippin, you're going above and beyond high nerves." Aragorn said  
"If you don't stop making fun of me I'll...I'll..." he started  
"Drive the cart again?" Sam asked.  
And everyone, even Pippin, laughed  
"Are we there yet?" Gimli asked.  
"We're close." Legolas said. "I can see Mt. Doom"  
"When are we going to get there? I'm scared!" Pippin said  
"Eventually." Aragorn replied. "Then we have to climb Mt. Doom."  
"Wouldn't it be cooler if we could fly up Mt. Doom, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked. He looked around. "Mr. Frodo?"  
Frodo was in the back corner of the cart with his back turned  
"Frodo? EARTH TO FRODO!!" Gimli yelled  
"ITS MINE!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!" Frodo screamed  
"What?!?!?!" everyone said  
"um...I mean... Hey! Mt. Doom!"  
"We're there! Everybody out!" Merry yelled  
"Its time to climb Mt. Doom!" Legolas said. "How's the envelope?"  
"Why??? Do you want it??? It's mine!! ARGHHH!!!!" Frodo screamed again  
"I was just wondering if you had it in a safe place for the climb, Frodo." Legolas said.  
"Oh... yeah! It's in my pocket." Frodo replied  
"Oookay, Frodo's acting weird." Sam said to Merry and Pippin  
"He's probably just nervous. Let's go!" Merry said  
Pippin stopped. "Do I have to go?"  
"YES!" everyone said  
"Fine." Pippin said. "Let's climb."

**Chapter 14--- Mount Doom**

The fellowship finally made it to Mt. Doom. And now, they had to climb it. Which no one really wanted to do, so they began to look for a secret symbol that could unlock an elevator.  
"Nothing here." Sam said  
"I think I found something!" Merry yelled.  
They all ran over.  
"This rock looks like the elvish symbol for open. So, I'll just push it, and...."  
Nothing happened.  
"Actually Merry, that looks more like the symbol for nightingale." Legolas commented.  
"Oh, c'mon you guys!" Pippin defended. "He failed Elvish 10-whoa!"  
Pippin in his pippinly ways tripped over a rock, and unveiled a small elevator.  
"Now that one looks like open!" Legolas said.  
"Way to go little hobbit!" Gimli said, "Now, everybody....TO THE ELEVATOR!"  
"But it's too small!" Aragorn yelled. "It can only fit two grown men!"  
"OR..." Sam said, "4 half grown men!"  
"WHAT!??" everybody said.  
"4 hobbits or HALFLINGS can fit in there!" Sam yelled. " What do you think Frodo?!"  
"Huh!? Oh, yeah, great!" Frodo said.  
"Are you okay?" Need some help?" Sam asked.  
"Why do you ask? Do you want it for yourself!? IT'S MINE!!" Frodo yelled.  
"Oh, stop fighting!" Merry yelled. " It's time to throw the envelope in Mount Doom."  
"Well, you three have fun!" Pippin said. "I'll just be down here!"  
"Oh no...You're coming with us!" Frodo said, as he pulled Pippin in.  
Pippin promptly fell, and knocked over all the hobbits.  
"Oh! Sorry Frodo!" Pippin said. "Oh, you dropped your envelope. Here you go!"  
Frodo grabbed the envelope, and quickly stuffed it in his pocket.  
"Going up!" Sam said.

Chapter 15--- Going Up

The hobbits continued up, up, UP the elevator.  
"I'm really bored." Pippin said, "Are we there yet?"  
Sam pointed to the floor listings.  
"Currently, we're at the magma of Mt. Doom, and we need to be at the Crack of Doom. We're almost there!"  
"DING!" said the elevator.  
"Yay! We're there" Merry yelled. "C'mon Frodo!"  
Frodo walked slowly to the mountain-place-to-stand-thing, when he stopped and looked around.  
"C'mon Frodo! Drop it in! It's scary here!" Pippin yelled.  
"Are you going to start screaming again?" Sam asked.  
"Oh, shut up"  
Frodo still hadn't moved, and he was curiously looking at his envelope.  
"Oh Frodo!! MOVE YOUR ASS! I WANNA GO!" Merry yelled.  
"Don't be hasty!" Sam yelled back at Merry, "Let him take as long as- hey, Frodo! Don't do that!"  
Frodo was opening the envelope.  
"Oh my, look!" Frodo said.  
The hobbits huddled around Frodo. But due to Pippin's short attention span, he wasn't' paying any attention to Frodo.  
"The Ring of Power!" They said together. "And the envelope says, "Give to Sauroman; do NOT throw in Mt. Doom!" Merry exclaimed.  
"WAIT! I WANNA SEE!" Pippin cried. He ran over to the tight circle, pushing Merry. In rage, Merry pushed him back.  
"Don't push me!  
"Oh yeah....BITCH SLAP!"  
Merry ducked, and Pippin's bitch slap hit Frodo's hand, knocking the envelope into the Fires of Mt. Doom.

_Chapter 16_--**-The Aftermath of a Bitch Slap**

The hobbits waited for Frodo's reaction.  
"Oop! Pippin!" You're gonna get it!" Sam sang  
"Frodo understands about my habit to destruct. He'll understand." Pippin said.  
They all looked at Frodo.  
"Well....?" Merry asked.  
Frodo smiled. "LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! TO THE ELEVATOR!"  
They ran as fast as their hobbit legs could run.  
Ding! said the elevator 

Below, the remaining fellowship waited eagerly for the hobbits to return. To pass time, they played cards.  
"Okay Legolas, you lost poker. Entertain us!" Gimli and Aragorn said.  
Legolas sighed. "Alright, what is it this time?"  
"Um....OH! Run naked in from of Mt. Doom!" Aragorn yelled.  
"Whoa...dude, that's pushing it." Legolas " Aragorn growled. "AND....GO!"  
Legolas removed his clothes, and ran around Mt. Doom.  
"NOW SING SHOW TUNES!" Gimli yelled.  
"There's NO business like SHOW business like NO-whoa! Look at the mountain!"  
The mountain began to erupt, and fire filled the sky. Just then, they hobbits emerged.  
"Guess what!" Frodo cried. "In the envelope, there was The One Ring! And we destroyed it, thus saving Middle Earth!"  
And the fellowship cheered.  
"Um...Legolas..."Frodo started. "Why are your clothes off?  
"Why are your clothes on Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked.  
"What Sam!??" Frodo exclaimed.  
Sam pointed at Frodo's pants. "You're on fire."  
Frodo screamed like a girl, and stopped, dropped, and rolled.  
And the fellowship cheered.

**Chapter 17--- You've Just Saved the World! What are you going to do now?!**

After the fellowship had finished cheering, there was only one question left....what now?  
"Well, I wanna go home." Frodo said  
"Yeah, I wonder what's going on with Rosie." Sam sighed  
"I'd like to open an archery school" Legolas commented  
"I'm going to Moria!" Gimli said, with tears in his eyes.  
"WAIT!" Merry yelled.  
"WHAT?!" the fellowship replied.  
"What about the Gondor trip? CHESSE FRODO!" Merry yelled. "That's why we left the Shire!"  
"Oh yeah! I forgot about that." Pippin said.  
"Let's go there!" Legolas, Sam, Pippin, and Frodo cheered.  
"NO! NOT GONDOR! AAAAHHHH!" Aragorn screamed, running away.  
"What the hell was that all about?" Pippin asked.  
"Well," a voice said," Aragorn is the lost hier to Gondor's throne.  
IT WAS GANDALF...dressed all in white?  
"What's with the outfit?" Gimli asked.  
"He is the White Wizard!" Legolas exclaimed.  
"Yeah, I totally got back at Sauroman." Gandalf laughed. "Anyways, tell Aragorn you are returning to Rivendell, and sneak him into Gondor. It is time for the Return of the King!  
"Okay!" the fellowship yelled.  
"But we need a horse and cart!" Frodo whined.  
Gandalf wiggled his nose, and alas! A horse a care!  
"GO...TO...GONDOR!" Gandalf yelled. "AND GOOD JOB SAVING MIDDLE-EARTH!"  
As Gandalf rode off, he forgot to tell the fellowship one thing...Boromir was the not only a probation officer/therapist...he was the steward's son...his beloved son....dun dun dun!

Chapter18—This Fellowship Gets AROUND

So now the fellowship was going to ahem Rivendell...or so Aragorn thought!  
"Thanks guys for not going to Gondor." Aragorn said. "I knew you'd understand."  
"Oh...we understand." Legolas said with a wink. "GRAB HIM!"  
The hobbits came up from behind Aragorn, tied him up, and Merry put a sleeper hold on him.  
"Now to Gondor!" Frodo said. "DRIVE ON!"When they arrived at Osgilioth, they saw a sign that told all visitors to report to Minis Tirith, and see Denethor, the steward of Gondor. So, after that long walk, Aragorn finally woke up.  
"Hey sleepy head....how do you feel?" Gimli asked.  
"Goo-wait...THIS ISN'T RIVENDELL!!!"  
"Hahahahaha! It's Gondor!" Frodo sang, "Gandalf told us everything!"  
"B-But I don't wanna be King!" Aragorn cried. "No one will listen to me!"  
"They will with this..." a voice said.  
IT WAS GAND-no, it was Elrond?  
"Hey Elrond, whatcha got?" Legolas asked.  
"This is Anduril...the blade that cut the ring from Sauron, which, by the way, you did a great job destroying!" Elrond said. "This was the sword of Isildur, the sword of the king! And only the King of Gondor may wield it!"  
"Then what were you doing with it?" Pippin asked.  
"It was on display at the Rivendell Museum of Artifacts..." Elrond replied  
"So...great, I have the sword..." Aragorn said. "Now what?!"  
"It is written that the steward of Gondor cannot deny the return of the king." Elrond explained. "This is proof that you are Isidur's heir! Stop being the ranger! Be who you were born to be!"  
"Nice dramatic touch." Gimli noted. "Thanks." Elrond said, "I thought so too!"  
"You're right!" Aragorn said, grabbing the sword. "I'll do it!"  
"Let's go!" Pippin yelled  
"Onward!" Merry cried  
"Forward March!" Gimli cheered.  
"To the steward!" Legolas yelled.  
"Yay Aragorn!" Frodo cheered.  
"Go Go Power Rangers!" Sam sang.  
They all looked at him.  
"What?!" he asked. "All they good ones were taken!"

Chapter 19---The Return of the King

The fellowship bravely followed Aragorn into the hall of Denethor. There, they saw Denethor crying over a clipboard.  
"Now there's something you don't see everyday." Merry commented.  
"You know, there's something familiar about that clipboard...but I just can't pinpoint it." Legolas said.  
"You know!" Gimli said in his loud voice. "It reminds me of Boromir!"  
Denethor looked up from his clipboard. "You knew my son?! You knew Boromir?!"  
"Oh no!" Legolas laughed. "Boromir was our probation officer/therapist. Not the son of a steward!"  
"That was my son. He always loved monitoring people and helping with problems." Denethor sobbed. "But he is gone now!"  
"Well, he died trying to protect us!" Pippin said, hoping to cheer him up.  
"Well then," Denethor said, "I shall make you a Gondorian solider as payment."  
"Wait...WHAT!?" Pippin cried. "Aragorn! HELP ME!"  
Denethor's mood changed. "Aragorn? It cannot be!"  
"Yeah, he's the king!" Frodo said. "See, he has the sword and everything!"  
"I WILL NOT GIVE UP MY RULE OF GONDOR TO THIS MAN!" Denethor screamed.  
"You cannot deny the return of the King." A voice said.  
It WAS Gandalf this time!  
"Step down from the throne, or I shall wizard fight you!" He yelled.  
"Well, you can't defeat...A DEAD MAN!" Denethor screamed. Then he ran out of the hall, and off the edge of Minis Tirith. The fellowship stared blankly down at the large drop that Denethor had jumped off of.  
"Well, hail to the King!" Frodo said.  
The fellowship bowed, and Aragorn took a kingly stance.  
"Wait, am I still a soldier?" Pippin asked.  
"Pip, I think ANY country is better off having you distanced from all pointy objects." Gimli said.  
"HEY! I...no, you're right." Pippin admitted.

**LAST CHAPTER!** --- How sad...Tis over.

A coronation for Aragorn was scheduled for the next day. So while the fellowship waited, they partook in all the festivities Gondor had to offer...alright, so they took turns sitting in Aragorn's throne and eating cheese.  
"Guys, I'm really glad we went on this trip." Pippin said with his mouth full.  
"Me too!" Sam said.  
"Yeah, we had some crazy adventures." Frodo sighed.  
"I don't know what you guys are talking about, but MAN this cheese is good!" Merry exclaimed.Everyone was there for Aragorn's coronation, including Elrond and his lovely daughter Arwen...Hehehe.  
"You may now face the crowd." Gandalf said to Aragorn, placing a crown on top his head.  
"Alright! I'm the king!" Aragorn sang. "And my first order of business is to find a queen, so I don't have to rule alone. He looked around, and his eyes fell on Arwen. He then turned around and threw himself on Legolas.  
"I love you Legolas, Princess of Mirkwood!" He proclaimed.  
"I love you too Aragorn!" Legolas cried.  
And they rode off into the sunset together on Brego.  
"Aaawww isn't that cute." Arwen commented

As the hobbits came close to the Shire, they were filled with the familiarity of their home.  
"Well, we're back." Sam sighed.  
"And we are NEVER going on another road trip again." Frodo vowed. "Agreed?"  
"Agreed!" Sam, Merry, and Pippin answered in unison.  
"Now......TO THE GREEN DRAGON!" Pippin yelled.

THE END


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